Last year I got my second tattoo, to mark a hopeful end in an emotional chapter in my life. H.O.P.E (Hold On Pain Eases) means a lot to me personally, as it is the name of a drop-in center run by my great-aunt for suicide prevention and suicide is something that has affected my life in a great way.
Before I was born, both my nana and uncle chose their own fate, meaning I never got to meet two people that I believe would have played a big part in my life and later throughout my teens I lost another close family member and a family friend. It’s hard to lose close people at such a hard and complicated time in your life and the means in which they are lost makes it all the more difficult to cope with. Some people have their reasons, but most leave with no explanation.
Explanation or not, in time you learn to deal with such a loss, but the person and their place in your heart is never lost.
The reason I’m writing this is because I put a pin in this chapter when I got this tattoo, and it is a constant reminder of those in my life that have succumb to such a devasting end, until this weekend. This weekend, a friend from school, chose his own fate, and the wounds that I left to turn to scars were reopened. The shock and devastation came rushing back and I’m once again at a loss for words. I will personally never fully understand the feelings these people will have gone through, but I respect that even the happiest, bubbliest and most seemingly joyful of people deal with their own demons.
Ive come to realise that this is a chapter that will devastatingly never fully end, and I can make my peace with that and deal with the issue head on each time, as devastating as it may be. I want to make it know that I am always here, for anyone that needs a friend. I have seen the effects of suicide on a family first hand, and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. I will happily devote my time to anyone that needs me, all you need to do is come to me.
I know that this may seem very poorly written, and it should do as this is more emotion than I have ever written with. I also know this isn’t the most upbeat of pieces, and it completely differs from my usual posts, but this is something close to my heart and could make a difference one day. Just know that if anyone ever needs anything – I’m here.